You Have Been Defeated
Just like everyone poops, everyone will die, and so it is with video games. Cart batteries short out; virtual shops shut down; and nostalgic hits become entombed in copyright claims, never to be ported to a newer console. However, with ROMs and some skillful pirating, most games can be revived in some form. When online-only games kick the bucket, they’re just dead. You’re only left with memories and probably some other games which are better anyway.
Rumors suggest that Chinese mega conglomerate, Tencent, intends to abandon Arena of Valor in the Western markets. Updates and new content will stop, and the company will allow the game’s audience to naturally shrivel up. To the mobile player base, this news strikes a painful blow. With nearly 80 characters, numerous promotions, and a competitive scene, the game seemed like a mainstay. For Switch owners, we knew the end was near when updates stopped this last February, leaving the game a store-brand imitation of its mobile cousin. Together, we cannot prevent AoV’s demise, but I can milk it for a review before we sell off its organs.
What is it?
Arena of Valor is a MOBA, which means it’s one team against another in a race to destroy the other’s base. I think. I haven’t played any others, but I am told AoV is simpler and faster compared to League of Legends. Focusing on what I do know, you and four other teammates (be it strangers or friends) choose from 52 characters, split into six class types. Assassins are skilled at killing enemies; tanks soak up damage; warriors don’t know if they want to be assassins or tanks; marksmen shoot from afar and everyone wants to be them; mages do the Harry Potter things; and supports cheer on the other players and bring orange slices for halftime. Some characters can have multiple class types, and a good team will include two warriors, a tank, a marksman, and a mage. A bad team has four marksmen who all wonder why they’re losing so quickly.
The battlefield is split into three lanes, each marked by three towers on each team’s side. It is vital for you to destroy these towers, but if you’re without minions, these structures will make short work of you. The minions are CPU-controlled fighters which spawn from your base and march toward the other side, attacking other minions or towers. You can support your minions by eliminating opponents and their henchmen, which will gain you experience and gold. Experience allows you to level up and upgrade one of your three unique abilities whereas gold buys equipment which bolster your stats. Your normal attacks can do some work, but your abilities provide most of your destructive force. However, cooldowns prevent you from spamming these attacks. If you die, you face another cooldown counter before you’re back in the fray.
Although each battle has the same playing field and set of rules, how you pursue your victory is up to you. You can try to stick with a lane, fighting off all opponents and steadily chipping away at their towers. You can roam from lane to lane, ambushing enemies while relieving your weakened comrades. You can team up with an ally whose skills complement your own. You could also spend your time killing monsters in the jungle, contributing nothing to your team while gaining experience in the hopes of one day being helpful. Hell, three of you can do that, why not?
These battles constitute your main matches which can be played casually or ranked. You also can create custom matches with your friends or hop in the lobby for AoV’s equally interesting alternative modes. No one ever joins these lobbies, so you’ll never actually play a game, but they’re there. No, I won’t explain them.
What’s good?
- Arena of Valor’s relatively fast pace showers you in instant gratification. Matches typically last between 15 to 25 minutes, and if that’s too long for you, you can always disconnect and abandon your team to die. Like disconnecting, each of your failures and successes feel like you’re actually turning the tide of battle. Each kill earns more experience, and each destroyed tower bolsters your team. One or two players are all you need seize victory. A single person can also lose the game if they die too much, so stay back where you belong, scrubs.
- The variety of heroes and level of customization creates an individualized experience. Unless you’re Valhein, and then you’re just like everyone else. For everyone but Valhein (and maybe Butterfly and Tel’Annas), your character’s tactics will change based on how you select your equipment and arcana (which also impact stats). For instance, Kil-Groth’s default is to overwhelm opponents with his attack speed and life-steal. You can customize him as a tank instead, lowering his killing power but ensuring he will distract opponents while your teammates dispatch them. Conversely, you can rob him of all defense to transform him into a killing machine who falls to cardiac arrest when opponents so much as sneeze in his direction.
- The Switch rendition of the game has its perks, including better graphics. Being able to play with a controller also offers more precision. Most of all, the community is considerably less toxic. I previously swore off the mobile version because the players were such ass orchards, and I felt myself slowly growing a part of them. With the Switch version, people don’t have time to type with a controller, so fewer mean comments are said. Even if someone does say something, you can report them. It doesn’t do anything, but it feels good.
What’s bad?
- The Switch version is also much worse overall than its mobile counterpart. There are fewer heroes, play modes, UI options, promotional events, perks, and updates. The character roster has not been as finely balanced as it has been on mobile so certain heroes (like Violet) can steamroll the rest. Most importantly, the player base isn’t on consoles, and there is no cross-play. As a casual player, you’ll rarely wait longer than two minutes to find a standard match, but if you want to play alternative modes or with high-skilled players, you’re best off taking your phone to the toilet rather than your Switch.
- The game reeks of free-to-play stinginess and bugs. Although Arena of Valor offers temporarily free characters week-to-week, you will only permanently unlock five to use. The rest have to be purchased, and unless you empty your wallet, it will take 20 or more hours to collect enough gold to buy a hero. As for the bugs, the game crashes roughly every 6 or so matches, forcing you to scramble to re-enter before the match begins. Arena of Valor doesn’t know how to make targeting work for warriors either, so you’ll find yourself killing the little minions while an opponent cheese grates your face. You may also find your character mindlessly wandering into chaos because you can’t cancel out of an attack.
- Arena of Valor lacks creative distinction. The battlefield looks like your typical fantasy affair, and the characters could be sued for plagiarism. You have a King Arthur character named “Arthur,” a hulking demon which revels in bloodshed, a big-boobed chick with a bow, an evil jester, a big-boobed chick with a hammer, a centaur with big boobs, and several others fighter girls who put the “cleave” in “ample cleavage.” What’s worse, they all speak in meme-fueled catch phrases. Unless the internet hasn’t satiated all of your desires, Arena of Valor lacks an appealing presentation.
What’s the verdict?
Arena of Valor is a solid, free game. It also has leprosy and will dump players like rotted flesh as the year progresses, if rumors are to be believed. Both veterans and newcomers can enjoy the game, so if you’re interested, board this dying horse while you can. Otherwise, join the mobile audience where its prognosis is a little better. Just don’t blame me when the cruel player base makes you wish the game died sooner.
Arbitrary Statistics:
- Score: 8
- Time Played: Over 70 hours
- Number of Players: 1
- Games Like It on Switch: Paladins, Nine Parchments