I Can Do It Better – Slay the Spire

Dime-Store Dilemma

Last month, I had my first existential crisis for this website. Maybe my second. It’s hard to tell because I dump my emotional garbage into these journals, they have collected too many flies for me to read through all of them again. Putting that aside, last month, I questioned if it was worth it to keep plugging away on this website.

My crisis followed the stereotype closely:

• Why work so hard if no one really reads my writings?
• At my current pace, will I accomplish anything?
• Will my work be swallowed by the Internet beast which has feasted on much better content already?
• Who would be my audience anyway? The hipster Switch fan club who yearns for something more than the mainstream review sites?

Add a liberal dash of self-pity and you have a recipe for destruction. I have allowed the dreams of my website to overtake its actual purpose: to allow me an outlet to practice writing. In the last three months, I have written five articles, something I used to do in one month. I have noticed the difference. I’m grumpier; I’m a little more aimless. Most of all, I feel guilty.

When I write, I reach a flow, and even a review for Spacecats with Lasers can act like an anti-depressant. The pressure to get my name out there has made the afterglow of writing less pleasant. In the past, when lack of fame had weighed on me, some humor and good ol’ gumption overcame it. Now, it is a little harder to call upon such energies.

How will I get out of this funk? I’m still working on it, but I imagine the answer is a combination of my love for writing, a reminder that things change, and finishing that god-damn blogitiorial I have been working on for three months.

Is it guarantee that I will keep going? No. It never is. I, alone, choose whether I keep this website alive or allow it to die. We make this choice for ourselves every day; it is just a question of whether we allow it to be a crisis.