Short-Term Memory Loss
Sometimes I wake up suddenly, usually because the bathroom beckons for me. In that miasma between consciousness and coma, I recognize I had some sort of dream, but that’s it. If I focus hard enough and don’t fall asleep on the toilet, I can eventually piece together what I experienced. If I can’t, I’m left with the general emotion caused by the dream. Nightmares spawn unease mixed with morbid curiosity. Scene-by-scene replays of my previous day elicit annoyance, boredom, or anxiety. My fantastical adventures result in a confusing mixture of both glee and disappointment. All those dreams of me peeing myself just aggravate my bladder more.
These little dream anecdotes serve two purposes for this journal. For one, they bolster my word count. For two, my memories of my previous videos are similarly hazy. I recorded this “fourth” video on 6/6/19, and I’m writing this description nine days later. I remember that I had tried 13 times to record this damned video, and I faintly recall that I had originally intended to write this journal about how my failed attempts resulted in beneficial practice time. At this point, however, my mind doesn’t hold the right sentiment to make some thoughtful message about growing from failures. All I have are some vague emotions: frustration about the recording process and relief that I succeeded to completing a full run on video.
The logical thing to do here is to re-watch the video, but like a dream about losing my adult teeth spontaneously, I’m not eager to relive the moment, especially after I have seen it already. For today, sloth is my companion. However, if you have any thoughts, send them my way.