Balls to the Walls Fun
I loathe the PlayStation. All of its iterations. I like to pretend my hatred is logical, like it’s based on how Sony steals all of its ideas from Nintendo or smells like Satan’s balls. In reality, my bias has no basis. It’s like how NSYNC fans abhor the Backstreet Boys or how Apple geeks are allergic to PCs or how politicians fear human contact. Since I owned my first Nintendo console, I vowed to never own a PlayStation or buy any game on it. Katamari Damacy broke the second half of my oath.
Although betraying Nintendo usually causes me to flagellate myself for forty days and nights, the purity of Katamari Damacy cleansed me of my guilt. The game took the childhood glee of rolling litter into large balls and added an absurd visual style and tone to craft an epic adventure of recreating the stars of the galaxy. I felt like God, and that’s how you become one of my favorite games of all time. With Katamari Damacy REROLL on the Switch, now we can all bask in its greatness without funding the demon spawn that is the PlayStation.
What is it?
Katamari Damacy begins with the King of All Cosmos obliterating the stars and moon during a raging bender, and as his son, you must fix his mistakes. You’re basically being forced to clean after a house party, except it’s fun and you don’t have a hangover. To recreate the celestial bodies, you roll a sticky ball (a katamari) around houses, towns, and islands in order to pick up junk to make your ball even bigger. To pass the typical mission, you must expand your katamari to a specific size within a time limit.
Your katamari can only collect items smaller than it, and if it collides against wall or a larger object, it can lose pieces. As such, building your katamari often requires you to follow a bread crumb trail of knick-knacks until you grow enough to roll over the same objects which used to be your obstacles. The camera will gradually pull away from you the larger you become, allowing you to see new sections of the stage as you wreak havoc upon the world.
Whereas most games require extensive explanations about their gameplay, the gist of Katamari Damacy is conveyed in the two above paragraphs. The game is simple and intuitive without being a one-trick pony. You consume stuff, get bigger, and consume more stuff, channeling your inner American at a buffet. Planning a specific route and weaving your katamari through obstacles will improve your score, but even some reckless abandon can get you to your goal.
What’s good?
- Katamari Damacy offers a cathartic escape from the humdrum of everyday life. No matter how much life drains your will to live, you can transfer all your problems into the game and crush them under your growing ball of hatred and malice. Especially once you learn how to handle the katamari, gameplay feels smooth and gratifying. Become your own obese Godzilla and rule the world.
- The game’s presentation is what I imagine would happen if Japanese society drank too much and barfed its collective culture into one cheery and wacky world. The low-poly visuals look pretty enough but the sound design really shines here, with each object crying out like a Pokémon as you roll over it. On top of this, the divine soundtrack dances between mambo, electronica, pop, and a small mass of children screaming “LA LA LA LA LA.”
- Katamari Damacy demands to be replayed, whether you try to unlock the timer-less Eternal stages or strive for a higher score. The King of All Cosmos filled the world with collectible presents, cousins, and all sorts of other things. If you don’t grab them all, the King will be disappointed, and considering he destroyed the entire sky during a drunken haze, you don’t want to see what he can do when lucid.
What’s bad?
- Of course, if you’re fine with snubbing GOD, the game can be pretty short. Clearing all of the main stages should only take you a few hours, and the multiplayer isn’t fleshed out enough to entice you and your friends for more than a few rounds.
- There is no restart button. Unless you’re a score chaser, you won’t need to restart too often, but it is an issue for two missions. In both, you must roll up the single biggest cow/bear you can find to create constellations. Touch a smaller animal, and the mission is over. Because you can’t restart, each screw-up will take you back to the main menu and through all the cutscenes once more.
- The dash mechanic has about as much control as a Sonic game’s camera system. To dash, you must rapidly flick both joysticks up and down until you shoot off. More often than not, you’ll make a fragile pinball of yourself rather than any progress. Katamari Damacy purposefully employs a strange control scheme, but this aspect just sucks. Climbing isn’t all that great either.
What’s the verdict?
Much like what I said about Snipperclips, Katamari Damacy feels at home on a Nintendo system. It makes an orgy out of the whimsy, absurdity, and fun characteristic of Nintendo games, whereas it shuns the realism, depravity, and trash juice which define a PlayStation console. The soundtrack is sublime; the level design is inventive and fluid; the humor is uproarious; and I already have a hard-on. Some of you may need time to adjust to the controls or ludicrous plot, but in time, you too can welcome the King of All Cosmos into your heart and experience one of the most unique games in all of video games. If we all accept His Highness, we may even live to see his second coming, We Love Katamari.
Arbitrary Statistics:
- Score: 9.5
- Time Played: Over 10 hours
- Number of Players: 1-2
- Games Like It on Switch: Donut County, Rock of Ages 2