How Karting Killed the Kingdom
Supposedly, the Virtual Console died with the Wii U and will later be resurrected somewhat with the Nintendo Switch Online plan. This, however, is simply a widespread lie. The Switch has hosted the VC—albeit in a limited form—since its initial release date because just about every remarkable Wii U game is available. Be it Bayonetta 2, Hyrule Warriors, Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, or the upcoming Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker, you can enjoy all your beloved retro games from your favorite dead-on-arrival console.
Of course, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe (MK8D) was among the first few ports. The Wii U rendition was a phenomenal entry in the series, marred only by a castrated Battle Mode and being on the Wii U. By bringing it to the Switch, Nintendo had the opportunity to ensure their console’s survival in those early months and address any criticisms toward the game. This resulting deluxe version now ranks as the pinnacle for the karting franchise. Unless you specifically dislike racing games, there’s no need to read further. Buy it. The rest of this review is just redundant and incoherent babbling.
What is it?
Twenty-seven years ago, the Mushroom Kingdom suffered its greatest economic depression. Their main exports—hallucinogens and Mario paraphernalia—no longer enticed audiences. Inflation had killed the kingdom’s currency, with 10 Mushroom coins exchanging for a single coin from other nations. Desperate to create any source of revenue, Princess Peach launched Mario Kart, a sports event involving the local celebrities, karts, intense courses, and dangerous items. The plan was intended to drive up tourism and exports. No one anticipated it working so well.
With its unveiling, Mario Kart immediately attracted money and fans, and the world became ravenous for karting action. Racing was not new to anyone, but no other racing event compared to the spectacle of Mushroom Kingdom’s royalty, heroes, and villains vying against each other on outlandish tracks. Spectators delighted in the four-course Grand Prix, whether the racers sauntered along at 50cc or careened at 150cc (and later, 200cc). With each course littered with weaponry, fans cheered for upsets, whether a blue shell from last place unseeded the first-place spot or a Bullet Bill made a winner out of a loser. Bombs, bananas, bloopers, and Boos further quenched the thirst for blood and chaos.
Peach’s program saved the kingdom, but it would also come to haunt her. After Super Mario Kart, investors and fans alike demanded more, threatening financial ruin once more if their wishes were unmet. Faced with such rabid pressure, Peach was all but forced to include Mario Kart in every political agenda. Each subsequent Mario Kart incorporated more gimmicks, pulling increasingly from the fiscal budget. Mario and the rest experimented with tag-team races, bikes, stunts, underwater and aerial capabilities, and ultimately anti-gravity. By the reinvented eighth edition of the sport, both the karting franchise and its fan base had swelled into monstrous behemoths.
What’s good?
- With unprecedented funding, the Mushroom Kingdom launched 12 different cups composed from 48 stages, several developed in other nations such as Hyrule, Mute City, and Stinky Butt Town (courtesy of Animal Crossing). Previous favorites—like Baby Park and Yoshi Circuit—received overhauls while new venues—like Mario Circuit and Cloudtop Cruise—showcased the ingenuity of the current Kart architects. To compete in these cups, a whopping 42 racers were enlisted, although not without controversy. At the time of this writing, the Mushroom Supreme Court continues to preside over its third case concerning the exploitation of babies in entertainment.
- Child abuse was once again the main concern in the case, especially with the reappearance of a “true” Battle Mode. After attempting to gut the mode to reduce vehicular injuries and deaths in the original Mario Kart 8, Peach faced a mass outcry of dissenters clawing for unbridled battle carnage. With threats on her life, she ordered the development of eight battle stages in order to host five different events, including the new Renegade Roundup. Profits skyrocketed as spectators welcomed back their favorite blood sport.
- With this, Mario Kart officially emitted as much profit as it did pollution. The internet was alight with fans dissecting every aspect of the sport, from the three levels of the Mini-Turbo to the importance of breaking in 200cc. Many Kart devotees claimed they could easily compete if given the chance, and with the introduction of auto-steer/accelerate and the ease of the controls, they could possibly do so. However, only the actual racers recognized the skill, practice, and dedication needed to master kart racing.
What’s bad?
- Although MK8D bathed in admiration and money, all was not well. Corruption had spread amongst the racers. Due to the surplus of money, coins now littered the tracks. Each coin granted a slight increase in speed, allowing rich racers to steer ahead of the pack. It seemed that those in first place could reliably keep 10 coins on them, causing the gap to widen between the winners and the losers. Some players complained that coins offered no protection, but these privileged racers had yet to accept that money could not stave on destruction.
- Nor could money guarantee creativity. Despite the breadth of quality courses, critics pointed out the duds. Ice Ice Outpost was a poor man’s Electrodome. Sweet Sweet Canyon’s design choice was as questionable as its yellow waters. Even the revitalizations of such courses like Dry Dry Desert, Sherbet Land, or the abhorrent Grumble Volcano simply demonstrated that their failures as tracks endured.
- Not satisfied with ridiculing certain tracks, the fanbase crackled with more discontent. They questioned the character roster with its several renditions of Mario and Peach. They bemoaned how Mario Kart had dabbled too much with gimmicks. They asserted item distribution failed to scale well with a player’s rank. The continuous complaints wore on Peach and her advisory board. They wanted to be done with it all, but Mario Kart would not die until they did. It had mutated into Super Smash Karting in all but name, but the Mushroom Kingdom would bear this tumor alone. Presently, Peach, Mario, and the rest have busied themselves with tennis, parties, and pugilistic events, but none of them have found rest. The Kart has cast a shadow over all of them, an ever-starving darkness threatening to wholly swallow them and their kingdom.
What’s the verdict?
To sum up my review, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is the closest a Mario Kart game has come to perfection. It overflows with content, so much so that one wonders where Nintendo will go for the inevitable ninth entry. For those who owned the Wii U version and bought all the DLC, the new Battle Mode and gameplay tweaks (such as the ability to hold two items) may not be enough to justify paying full price for the game. That being said, MK8D is still one of the finest multiplayer games on the Switch. If you want to kart on-the-go, play with friends online or locally, experience a solid racing romp, or not be a social outcast at your 20-something-years-old rooftop get-together, go ahead and embrace the Mario monopoly.
Arbitrary Statistics:
- Score: 9.5
- Time Played: Over 35 hours
- Number of Players: 1-4
- Games Like It on Switch: Fast RMX, Mantis Burn Racing