Nintendo Switch

28
Oct
2017
Solomon Rambles About Boxing

Solomon Rambles About Boxing

The Jackbox Party Pack 3

AKA How to Determine How Vulgar Your Friends Are

Jackbox Party Pack 3 is a video game for people who dislike video games.  You don’t have to use a controller; just use your phone!  You don’t need skill; just wing it like the rest of us.  It’s not even a real video game; it’s the bastard child of a trivia bar game and Cards Against Humanity (trying to pretend it’s as innocent as Apples to Apples).  Invite your friends; invite your family; don’t invite your neighbor.  Everyone can join in the fun.

That’s Jackbox’s immediate appeal.  Over generations of consoles, I have tried to engage non-gamers with any “accessible” game I have come across, be it Mario Party, Mario Kart, Nintendoland, Wii Sports, Just Dance, or even 1-2-Switch.  No game has had as much success in drawing in a diverse crowd as Jackbox has.   Although none of its five glorified board/trivia games carry the depth or complexity of a typical video game, they still wield some magical, universal appeal.  As such, despite its awkward appearance, Jackbox earns its designation as a party game, just like the games listed before it (minus one or two, if you catch my drift).

Deal-breakers:

Before getting to the individual games, it’s important to recognize Jackbox’s barriers to entry.  If you don’t have the following three elements, this game hates you.  You will need:

  1. A party of people.  Ideally, you will have five or more people to play altogether because anything less is a get-together, and it’s not called Jackbox Get-Together Pack for a reason.  Most games can fire off with at least three people, but the fun factor is diminished.
  2. Devices for each person.  Be it a smart phone, a tablet, or a computer, each person needs a device with which to read prompts, write, and draw.
  3. Wi-Fi.  For most people, Wi-Fi is not a concern because they obviously have Wi-Fi to download the game in the first place.  However, Jackbox is literally unplayable without internet, and if you use crappy Wi-Fi, you run the risk of disconnections or missed prompts.

The games:

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Quiplash 2:

The favorite among my crowd, Quiplash 2 challenges you to answer age-old prompts like “How the dinosaurs really died,” and “The worst way to spell Mississippi.”  You can answer however you wish, but your answers will then be pitted against another player who had the same prompt.  The players who did not respond to the prompt will then vote for the best one, so make sure your responses tickle your audience’s funny bones (or raunchy bones, depending on the depravity of your group).  Whoever receives the most votes over three rounds wins.

Of all the games on Jackbox, Quiplash is the most easily accessible and routinely elicits laughs due to how crazy answers can be.  Like Cards Against Humanity, you’ll come across some uninspired prompts which lead to equally underwhelming responses, but the majority of the prompts are suitably suggestive or creative.  Like the other Jackbox offerings, Quiplash games are pretty quick, allowing you fire off a few more rounds without sucking up too much time.

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Trivia Murder Party: 

Perhaps the least inspired of the bunch, Trivia Murder Party is a trivia game with a tongue-in-cheek horror theme.  Your goal is to outlive everyone else and escape from your captor, who provides the game’s incessantly annoying narration.  Answering multiple-choice questions correctly guarantees your survival while a wrong answer leads you to a mini game.  These mini-games offer simple tasks (drawing, solving math problems, cutting off a finger), and if you mess up here, you’re knocked out of the game.

Trivia Murder Party is harmless enough to be enjoyable, but no one in my group has walked away from it eager to play again.  Trivia fans may be a bit disappointed with it because the questions draw a little too frequently from pop culture topics, even for a trivia game.  The aesthetic doesn’t offer much either, and your captor/narrator becomes increasingly grating with each round.  Stockholm syndrome will certainly not be an issue here.  Incidentally, this is the only game you can play by yourself, so there’s that.

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Guesspionage: 

For those who enjoy guessing percentages of survey results, Guesspionage is the game for you.  Supposedly, Jackbox Games surveyed a bunch of people on the internet about random topics, and now you and your friends will take turns guessing how many people reported liking brownies with nuts or nutless brownies (among other important issues).  One person guesses the exact percentage of people who prefer “nut brownies,” and everyone else guesses if this estimate is higher or lower than the actual result.  Points are divvied out based on how close guesses are, and whoever has the most points wins.

No one likes this game.  Some may think they do, but after a few additional playthroughs, they recognize the error of their thinking.  Guesspionage is a simpler, worse version of Family Feud.  And just like Family Feud, you aren’t trying to figure out how many people from the general populace still own functioning VCRs.  No, you’re trying to predict how many people who take surveys for Jackbox Games still own functioning VCRs.  Unless you study the habits of online survey takers, you’re going to rely on some luck to win this game.

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Fakin’ It: 

In a round of Fakin’ It, everybody except one person is given a prompt which they must answer by holding up fingers, making faces, pointing at someone, or raising their hands.  For instance, the prompt could be, “Point to the person who has the most knowledge of Star Wars.”  Each person then points based on who they think fits the prompt.  The catch is one person did not receive any prompt at all, and this person is the faker.  Based on everyone else’s reaction, the faker must quickly participate and pretend as if they also received the prompt.  The group then has three chances to decide who the faker is.  Points are given out based on how long the faker evades capture and who correctly guessed the faker.  Multiple players will get a chance to be the faker before points are totaled and a winner is chosen.

Fakin’ It has potential to be an uproarious experience but is bogged down by its lack of direction and obtuse prompts.  In all of my play groups, most people didn’t fully understand how to play until the game was over, and by that point, they weren’t interested in playing another round.  Fakin’ It could be an immersive game, filled with bluffing, colluding, and accusations, but the quick pace of the game immensely limits these interactions.  Plus, when faced with prompts like, “Hold up five fingers if your name starts with a J, seven if it doesn’t,” your chances as the faker are crippled.  A dedicated play group could really enjoy this game, but finding the dedicated people is another task altogether.

 

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Tee K.O.:

Finally, Jackbox 3‘s obligatory drawing game, Tee K.O., sees you and your group pitted against each other to create the best t-shirt.  This mode cycles through four stages.  In the first, you draw whatever comes to mind, be it dragons, patterns, or inappropriate anatomy.  Next, you are tasked with producing slogans for the t-shirts. Again, these slogans can be anything, from “Well, you tried,” to ” Just leave it for later.”  Then, you will receive t-shirt designs and slogans created by the other players, and from these, you will choose the best t-shirt/slogan pair.  The last stage displays everyone’s final product together, with players voting for their favorite.  Whoever’s t-shirt is left standing is declared the winner.

In my play groups, Tee K.O. Is typically cited as everyone’s first or second favorite game, usually because the end results can be incredibly wacky.  Interestingly, Jackbox Games includes an option to buy actual copies of the winning shirt, so you and your friends can proudly wear whatever abominations you birth.  Because the game places no limitations on what people can draw or write, house rules are recommended to provide direction to your play sessions and to avoid the inevitable barrage of penis drawings.

What’s the verdict?

In many ways, Jackbox Party Pack 3 and its brethren are better suited for websites which review board games, not video games.  Almost all of these games could be translated to paper and pen, packed into brightly colored boxes, and sold at your local Wal-Mart.  Although this is not a flaw by any means, it should influence your decision to buy Jackbox.  If you’re looking for the next great party game, Jackbox is a solid substitute to card games and an even better candidate for drinking games.  For those looking for a more traditional multiplayer video game, this box can be left untouched.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 7
  • Time Played: Over ten hours
  • Number of Players: 1-8
  • Games Like It on Switch: The other Jackbox Party Packs, Use Your Words

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review
21
Oct
2017
Solomon Rambles About Traps

Solomon Rambles About Traps

Wonder Boy:  The Dragon’s Trap

Extreme Makeover

Time has been somewhat apathetic to Wonder Boy:  the Dragon’s Trap.    The game received favorable reviews when it first debuted back in 1989, but even then, it wasn’t destined for any halls of fame outside of the best Sega Master System games.  In 2007, Dragon’s Curse (the TurboGrafx-16 version) arrived on the Wii’s Virtual Console where I first encountered it.  Again, reviewers offered praise for the game, and I enjoyed it well-enough, but Dragon’s Curse was not a must-have, even among TurboGrafx-16 games.  Ten years later, we see Lizardcube unearth the game once more, and the reception hasn’t changed one bit.  The Dragon’s Trap is a solid game, but don’t expect it on any Top 10 lists.

You could almost call the Dragon’s Trap “timeless,” in that it is timelessly unremarkable but good.  However, “timeless” very much ignores that the game has not aged well.  In the 28 years since its release, this Wonder Boy has developed wrinkles, age spots, and its fair share of disabilities.  Its saving grace has been its makeup artists.  As it stands, the Dragon’s Trap is not a testament to the Wonder Boy series’ enduring appeal.  Rather, it’s a tantalizing showing of Lizardcube’s potential as a developer.

What is it?

Like the Wonder Boy games before and after it, the Dragon’s Trap is a side-scrolling adventure game with light platforming, RPG, and Metroidvania elements.  This entry in the series sets itself apart from the others by transforming the hero into a menagerie of different animals.  Each transformation carries with it its own unique gimmicks.  Lizard-Man breathes fires; Mouse-Man is tiny and can climb walls; Piranha-Man can swim.  These transformations are earned over the course of the game after you defeat bosses, and each creature’s abilities allow you to access new areas (hence the Metroidvania flavorings).

There is not much more to the game.  You move from point A to point B with little exploration.  You jump, shield attacks, and utilize sub-weapons or your sword to mow down your enemies.  These enemies will then drop gold, which can be used for better armor, shields, and swords.  Memorizing enemy attack patterns is key to survival, but none of these patterns are too complex to bog you down too much.  Kill the six dragon bosses and you win the game.  All simple and straightforward. 

What’s good?

Everything fantastic about this game comes from Lizardcube.  The game, itself, is pleasant enough, and each playable character introduces an interesting twist to the gameplay, but this game would not be worth a purchase if it were not for Lizardcube.  Thus, here are three ways the developer has slathered the game with the utmost love and care:

  1. The hand-drawn visuals are absolutely gorgeous and exude charm. Character movements are more detailed and fluid, recalling games like Wario Land: Shake It!  Whereas the original game often used solid colors for backdrops, Lizardcube has created elaborate scenery, which goes a long way to reduce the samey feeling in the original.
  2. The soundtrack has received a similar overhaul, replacing the bleeps and bloops of the original with guitars, mandolins, piano, and all sorts of other instruments. The original soundtrack was pretty stellar, itself, and its modern recreation has made it that much more pleasant, especially when the songs inevitably loop.
  3. Lizardcube has added in so many special bells and whistles. At any point in the game, you can toggle between the retro and new graphics or soundtrack.   A gallery mode allows you access to concept art, animation tests, and music videos.  The original game’s password system has been maintained in case you want to continue your adventure the old-fashioned way or if you want to input your save files from back in the day.  The developers even added the option to choose between a male and female human character from the start.  None of these features deeply impact the game, but together, they make the remake feel justified.

What’s bad?

  1. Unlike the soundtrack and graphics, the general game feels monotonous. There are few enemy types, with the majority being palette swaps of the green/red/blue variety.  Environment layouts are typically dull and featureless, requiring you to walk from one end to the other, stopping only occasionally to block an attack or smite an enemy.  Bosses are simplistic, often following just one or two attack patterns.  Even for a game from 1989, variety is relatively lacking.
  2. The game is short. Having played the game previously, my completion time may be a little quick, but it is hard to believe many players will need more than five hours to see all this game has to offer.  Considering how much Lizardcube added to the Dragon’s Trap, it is disappointing that a new stage was not included.
  3. Hitboxes are finicky. Our hero has terrible reach, managing to thrust his sword only a little ways in front of him. This leads you to edge as close as possible to your enemies to strike them, and this frequently results in you taking damage if you miscalculate the distance.  Even then, it sometimes seems that you have to bury your sword into an enemy’s head for them to take damage whereas your black-hole-of-a-body will register any attack that glances past you.  This issue is most noticeable during boss fights where emerging unscathed seems downright impossible.

What’s the verdict?

For fans of the original, Lizardcube’s Wonder Boy:  the Dragon’s Trap is a treat and worth a purchase.  Those without nostalgia may find the gameplay less endearing, with it standing as a reminder that not all video games age with grace.  Regardless of the limitations in the Dragon’s Trap, we should all be eager to see what Lizardcube will produce next.  Although original content is certainly welcome, there are so many retro games deserving of the developer’s grade-A treatment.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 6.5
  • Time Played: 3.25 hours
  • Number of Players: 1
  • Games Like It on Switch: Kamiko, Tiny Barbarians DX

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review
14
Oct
2017
Solomon Rambles About Master Blasting

Solomon Rambles About Master Blasting

Blaster Master Zero

Zero Recall

When you eat a great hamburger, lettuce is not the memorable part.  You’re going to remember the pillowy bun, the juicy beef, the flare of avocado, or the zesty sauce.  You may even remember the slightly burned chunks or the fact that you had to remove the tomatoes because you hate tomatoes.  But you won’t even think of the lettuce.  Even if the leafy stuff is good, you’re not going to recommend the entire burger because of it.  At most, you may acknowledge that the lettuce complimented the rest of the burger rather nicely.

BM0 3

As you have probably already anticipated, Blaster Master Zero is good lettuce.  At this early stage of the Nintendo Switch’s lifespan, I am able to list most of the games I own by memory.  Blaster Master Zero is one of the games I routinely forget I have.  When I see it in my library, I am reminded that I enjoyed it.  I also recognize Mr. Blaster hasn’t seen my Switch’s main menu since I beat it.  I finished it and then left it. It was good but unremarkable, and that’s how a game becomes a garnish.

What is it?

Blaster Master’s hook is that it’s split into two different styles of gameplay.  For half of the game, you pilot SOPHIA THE 3RD (supposedly pronounced like you’re screaming it), a futuristic tank with remarkable jumping capabilities.  From a 2D perspective, you will navigate the terrain by hopping around, gunning down enemies with your blaster, and unleashing secondary weapons you unlock throughout the game.  Periodically, you will encounter areas which are inaccessible to SOPHIA, at which point you hop out and take control of Jason,

Although Jason will explore some 2D sections, most of the time he will enter into labyrinth-like dungeons, where the perspective changes to an overhead view.  Jason has his own set of weapons and sub-weapons as he ventures for more upgrades.  As you collect gun capsules, your main gun gains new, more powerful capabilities, ranging from a chain-lightning blast to wall-penetrating waves.  If you take damage, your main gun loses some of these upgrades, forcing you to work with a weaker array of shots until you collect more gun capsules.

BM0 4

In both playstyles, you will encounter bosses, but the majority will take place in the Jason sections.  Blaster Master has some light Metrovania elements to it in that you will gain more powers as you progress which allow you to access new sections of the map.  However, most upgrades are alternative weapons or health upgrades and are optional (if you do not care about reaching the game’s “true ending”).  There are few instances of forced back-tracking, but in most cases, you won’t have to scour past areas for nooks and crannies which were previously inaccessible.

What’s good?

  1. The transition between 2D and overhead perspectives is a novel gimmick. Both variations could be expanded by themselves into complete games, but they mesh well together, most notably by providing two unique approaches to a stage’s theme.  For example, in the watery Area 5, the 2D section throws fierce currents in your way, forcing you to move methodically in order to progress.  Comparatively, Jason’s segments feature narrow paths surrounded by bottomless pits, challenging you to defeat all enemies with minimal evasive capabilities.
  2. Bosses steal the spotlight. In both perspectives, bosses will typically fill the screen, displaying some pretty incredible sprite work.  Whereas most of the game is relatively easy, bosses can pose some challenge, requiring you to quickly identify patterns and select the weapon most suited for vanquishing them.
  3. DLC characters do impact your playthroughs. SOPHIA doesn’t change apart from her color, but each DLC character carries a new set of weapons and sub-weapons, all unlocked from the start.  Although their special abilities have limited effect on your 2D sections, each character must tackle dungeons through different means.  In the case of Shovel Knight, he chiefly attacks at close-range, but he can also deflect bullets by hitting them at the right time with his shovel.  If you have an itch to replay Blaster Master Zero, a new character is worth the two bucks.

What’s bad?

  1. General enemies are unremarkable, many being simple palette swaps. Unlike the bosses, these grunts are generic (jellyfish, flies, robot soldiers, oh my) and rarely pose much of a threat.  Oftentimes, I would crash through enemies rather than kill them because health is so plentiful.
  2. Level layout can be monotonous. Despite getting a fresh coat of paint, the game has few memorable environments (with the water and ice stages surprisingly being the stronger points in the game).  SOPHIA’s terrain offers few platforming challenges, and many of Jason’s obstacles involve waiting until the coast is clear.  The majority of the game felt repetitious, with each area’s gimmick only slightly impacting the actual gameplay.
  3. Weapons were not created equal. Jason may use some of his gun’s abilities, but ultimately, his wave gun is by far his most powerful.  It goes through walls; its range is fantastic; and its fire rate is equally devastating.  Most enemies—including bosses—will melt when pitted against the wave gun, leaving little reason to stray to other abilities.  SOPHIA’s weapons are a little more balanced, but because enemies are so easily defeated by any weapon, it is often more of a hassle to pause and change your weapons than it is just to push through and take some damage.

 BM0 2

What’s the verdict?

Blaster Master Zero is a competent, enjoyable game, and I imagine fans of the genre will be perfectly happy with its content.  For the general populace, there are just too few elements that set Blaster Master apart from all the other competent, enjoyable games on the Switch.  If it were not for the cult appeal of the original Blaster Master, I suspect Zero would be lost amongst the other retro indie games that are belched out each week.  Blaster Master may have been a novelty when it came out during the Switch’s first month, but in the six months since then, the Switch menu has gained many more tastier options for your consideration.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 7
  • Time Played: 8 hours
  • Number of Players: 1-2
  • Games Like It on Switch: Cave Story+, Azure Striker Gunvolt:  Striker Pack

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review, 0 comments
14
Oct
2017
Solomon Rambles About Caving

Solomon Rambles About Caving

Cave Story+

When Addition Doesn’t Add Much

Like aging child stars, video games strive to remain relevant and remembered.  With the glut of games released these days, most will fade into obscurity when they leave the “New Releases” sections of their platforms.  Unless you use ROMs or maintain your old consoles, retro games become memories rather than entertainment.  To combat time and bring the spotlight to their games (and generate easy cash), the gaming world churns out remakes, ports, remasters, and all the other “re-things.”

CS 2

Super Mario Bros and Pac-Man are two such games that seem to grace every system, ensuring every generation has a chance to question why anyone ever thought they were good.  Games like Space Station Silicon Valley and Cubivore are ignored by the Rerelease Gods despite their quality, and because of these missed gems, I generally am in support of rereleases. Sure, I may be sick of seeing each reproduction of Super Mario 64, but the game is not for me. It’s for someone who has yet to enjoy it or hasn’t for a long time.  As long as the price is right, I welcome a game’s return.

This brings us to publisher-developer Nicalis and its darling, Cave Story.  The original Cave Story was created solely by Daisuke “Pixel” Amaya and was released as freeware in 2004.  Nicalis later came onboard and produced an enhanced port with Pixel—updating the graphics and sound and creating new game modes—releasing it on WiiWare in 2010 for the nice price of 12 bucks.  Nicalis has since brought the game to other Nintendo systems and Steam.  For introducing Cave Story to a broader audience, Nicalis certainly deserves praise, but with the Switch’s recent port and its $30 price tag, the indie champion appears more like a sellout and less like a hero.

What is it?

Regardless of its price tag, Cave Story is a fantastic game.  I’ll happily say that before we even get to the “What’s good about it” section.  In this 2-D action-platformer, you are Quote, a robot with the jumping capabilities of Mario and the shooting prowess of Samus.  Apart from its inventive level design and masterful boss battles, Cave Story creates its own unique identity through its weapon system.  Quote has a variety of projectiles at his disposal, but each one is rather anemic from the get-go.  However, most enemies drop experience, and collecting these can pump your gear to level 2 and 3, each of which carries a substantial heft in power.  That said, these upgrades are not permanent.  Take damage, and your equipped weapon will lose experience.  In conjunction with your limited health, each weapon’s fragile state will encourage you to avoid taking damage whenever possible.

CS 1The main game follows you and Quote as you combat the tyrannical Doctor who threatens the indigenous rabbit-like Mimiga. There are four endings to discover, and Cave Story adopts the old-school approach of giving you as few details as possible regarding how you attain the “special endings.”  Your first play-though is for you to master the weapon system and bosses while progressing toward the normal ending.  Your subsequent play-throughs will need the added help of online guides to steer you to special weapons and endings.  Aside from your main game playthroughs, Cave Story features some grueling challenges which throw you into an original level with a predetermined loadout.

What’s good?

  1. Each weapon carries its own playstyle, and each shines against certain enemies and in particular environments. In addition to juggling your weapons’ strengths and weaknesses, rotating between your weapons becomes further necessary as they lose and gain experience.  Due to these factors, gameplay feels more varied, and each weapon feels relevant to your adventure.  This is a refreshing difference from other games in which you find your favorite weapon and ignore all others.
  2. Multiple play-throughs bring unique experiences, largely in part to the different weapons and upgrades you will encounter. Although bosses and locations are largely the same, you will need to employ new tactics to overcome them with your augmented arsenal.  For those seeking a maliciously difficult challenge, the path to the true ending features a special location full of insta-death spikes, swarms of enemies, and a soul-crushing boss.
  3. Music and sound are masterful. Cave Story’s soundtrack manages to invoke both nostalgia and novelty, creating tunes that are catchy and atmospheric.  There are four variations of the soundtrack, all of which are worth a listen.

What’s bad?

  1. Nicalis has appeared just outright lazy with this port. Cave Story+ was originally released on Steam back in 2011, so it is absurd that Nicalis has brought nothing new to the table with this game (cue comparisons to Skyrim).  A co-op mode was added three months after the game was first released, but co-op alone doesn’t justify a $30 price tag either.
  2. Challenges don’t hold up as well as the main game. These challenges live up to their name and generally task you to complete timed sections with weapon restrictions (for instance, you can only use the machine gun).  Although some gamers will certainly enjoy the challenge, I personally have found the amped pace to warp the gameplay I enjoyed so much in the story mode.
  3. Without outside help, you will have a hell of a hard time searching for the game’s secrets. Cave Story technically leaves you little hints about each secret, but your patience with trial-and-error better be immense.  For one sequence, if you forget a specific action or mess up, you can no longer pursue the secret ending.  I learned that one the hard way.  With online guides, this issue is only a minor complaint, but don’t be an idiot by believing you need only a quick glance at the guides.

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What’s the verdict?

For anyone who enjoys action-platformers, Cave Story+ is an easy recommendation.  For Cave Story veterans, you’ve already played this game.  For any player, there is very little justification for buying this on the Switch.  If you want it, Steam has it for half the price.  If you want portability, the game is available on the 3DS for a third of the Switch’s price.  It is disappointing to see a game as stellar as Cave Story be ported so lazily, especially when Nicalis has shown so much effort in the past to improve it.  Regardless, Cave Story remains a polished piece of fun, even if its publisher has gotten grubbier with age.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 9
  • Score for Nicalis’ level of effort: 3
  • Time Played: Over 5 hours
  • Number of Players: 1-2
  • Games Like It on Switch: Shovel Knight:  Treasure Trove, Azure Striker Gunvolt:  Striker Pack

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review
24
Sep
2017
Solomon Rambles About Breathing

Solomon Rambles About Breathing

The Legend of Zelda:  Breath of the Wild

Best Zelda Game to Feature Golden Crap

On Metacritic, over a hundred reviews recommend the Legend of Zelda:  Breath of the Wild (BOTW).  Critics and fans were screaming “Game of the Year” before 2017 ever had a chance to stretch, and a few publications have even heralded it as the greatest game of all time.  By this point, if you are still hesitant to buy this game, any more praise is not going to sway your hesitance.  For everyone else, just buy the damned game.  It’s good; great even.  It triumphs over Majora’s Mask, my previous favorite Zelda game.  It washed away the grimy taste left by Skyward Sword, that disgusting, 93-on-Metacritic fake of a game.  It made me quit drugs and start a family.  It shows God’s face if you are a true believer.

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But it’s not perfect.  No game is, even if BOTW can eliminate world hunger.  As such, rather than churn out another article of praise, this review will pinpoint not BOTW’s strengths but its faults.  I dedicate this review to all of the people who gave the game a 0, including those individuals who rated it within an hour of its release.  To those people, you’re wrong, but I still love you.

The Top 10 Issues With BOTW, One for Each Review Score Point

10.

Cooking, upgrading gear, and navigating menus could be streamlined.  It is certainly charming when Link first cooks or interacts with the Great Fairies, but holy hell, after a certain point, I just want to grab my stuff and get on with the adventure.  Link would greatly benefit from an ability to cook or upgrade multiple items in one go.  The inventory system aggravates this problem a little simply because of how much crap you can hold.  An ability to manually sort your inventory would have been much appreciated, but even this change wouldn’t solve the inventory issue completely.

9.

Calamity Ganon is less than calamitous.  Yes, Link is capable of fighting Ganon after he leaves the Great Plateau, which considerably raises the final battle’s difficulty.  However, if you follow the story quest to its completion, Link will have become an army-of-one by that point.  Zelda bosses have never been paragons of challenge, but when two Lynels pose more danger than the Great Ganon, the ultimate showdown loses some of its appeal.

8.

Link likes walls a bit too much.  I understand that he may be pumped about his ability to climb about damn near everything, but latching onto a rock is inadvisable during a battle.  At times, my intention was to run alongside a wall, but once Link so much as scraped rock, he would start mountaineering.

7.

Heart containers do little more than show how many shrines you have completed.  In previous Zelda games, Link’s hearts were diamond-coated, with most enemies struggling to land a full heart of damage.  In BOTW, these hearts are about as resilient as Styrofoam, and enemies have three levels of damage:  one heart, half of Link’s hearts, and all but a quarter heart.  Even with considerable armor, Link will brush against Death’s cold lips after a single blow from a silver enemy.

6.

The story is unremarkable.  Other people have expressed their disappointment with BOTW’s plot, but that said, no Zelda game—apart from Majora’s Mask—has ever carried a solid story.  This doesn’t excuse a “meh” plot, but I can’t say I was anticipating a Pulitzer’s Prize script when I bought BOTW.

BoTW 3

5.

The voice acting is even worse than the plot.  I applaud Nintendo’s efforts in trying to catch up with the rest of the gaming world, but the resulting voicework sounded like a bad anime dub.  Compared to other critics, I actually found Zelda’s voice acting to be fine, but the Great Deku Tree deserves the golden Korok shit for his odious contributions.

4.

Weapons have the durability of cardboard.  Although weapons are plentiful throughout the game, a single weapon will rarely survive an enemy encounter.  Swapping weapons will eventually become second-nature, but this system leads to a “better save it for later” mentality.  For example, do you like your royal guard claymore?  Yes?  Then unless you want to say goodbye to it halfway through a hinox fight, you better equip your soup ladles and brooms first.

3.

Someone thought Hyrule was a tropical rainforest and programmed rain accordingly.  Rain certainly brings variety to the game, especially during thunderstorms or when it floods plains.  However, rain also robs the game of its vibrant beauty and Link of his ability to climb.  Because it rains almost every single day, you’ll eventually grow a desire to seek out and kill whoever the hell is playing Song of Storms on repeat.

2.

The framerate loathes certain parts of the game.  Generally, the game runs smoothly, but Korok Forest is a stuttering mess, gaining the new title of “Framerate Forest.” Combined with the Great Deku Tree, this forest is deserving of a good fire.

1.

You cannot register animals other than horses at the stables.  For a game about freedom, it’s absurd you cannot register whatever animal you manage to mount.  Sure, it makes sense that a horse stable would only deal with horses, but BOTW isn’t exactly focused on realism.  Riding horses still is a hoot, but certain other animals deserve to be saddled and ridden into battle.

BoTW 2

What’s the verdict?

Ultimately, hype is your biggest hurdle if you’re still on the fence about playing the Legend of Zelda:  Breath of the Wild.   The game could convert you to the fan club, but it could also send you over to the cynics who question the sanity behind the 10 reviews.  If we disregard such feats as “Game of the Year” and “Greatest Game of All Time,” BOTW is still a solid Zelda game.  If you enjoy Zelda, this game will satisfy your urges.  If you have yet to play a Zelda game, this one is just as good a start as any.  And if you hate it, there is a whole community of haters waiting for you to join their circlejerk on message boards.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 10
  • Time Played: Over 105 hours
  • Number of Players: 1
  • Games Like It on Switch: RiME, Oceanhorn:  Monster of Uncharted Seas

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review, 3 comments