Nintendo Switch

Minit

Minit

A Minute Review for a Minute Game

Greatness doesn’t need a large package. Jewelry and money fit into small boxes. The single steak dinner tastes better than the cheap buffet. A tab of LSD packs a wallop. Quality video games don’t always come from triple-A developers and contain hundreds of hours of content. Like Gorogoa and Limbo, Minit radiates briefly but brilliantly like a pigeon on fire.

It is a flawless specimen, a delectable slice of instant gratification. However, some people enjoy scarfing down twelve-packs of tacos from Taco Bell as opposed to savoring a six-ounce sirloin, so Minit isn’t for everyone. Thus, I present a quick survey to see if Minit is a match for you, a review captured in 60-word chunks without too much filler.

What is it?

Imagine a top-down NES version of Majora’s Mask, reduce the timer from three days to 60 seconds, and you have something resembling Minit. Our hero discovers a cursed sword which ends his days after a minute. You respawn at home at the beginning of each day, and it’s up to you to use your meager time to break the curse.

In order to adventure outside of the confines of your house, you’ll have to find items (like coffee, money, gardening gloves, and flashlights) to overcome obstacles and access new areas. You’ll stumble upon simple enemies and puzzles, but with your unlimited lives, the challenge comes from overcoming them within your time constraints and finding clues pointing toward your next objective.

What’s good?

  1. Minit extracts all filler to leave pure cocaine. No needless NPCs, barren landscapes, or repetitive quests. Just fast-paced progress and addiction.
  2. Two additional missions can be unlocked which change the gameplay: a harder, 45-second “New Game+” and an easy, no-timer mode.
  3. The visuals are stark and unique, and the soundtrack makes sweet love to your ears without risk of syphilis.

What’s bad?

  1. It’s short, like an hour if you just beat the main mode on any percentage, you heathen.
  2. If you ignore the timer mechanic, the game plays like an average adventure game. It’s kind of like how Harry Potter is about child abuse and neglect if you take out the magic.
  3. It has black-and-white graphics, which is awkward because that’s segregation.

What’s the verdict?

Just like a review with an arbitrary word count, experimental games live or die based on whether the experiment justifies mutilating a tried-and-true mechanic. These quirky games also tend to appeal more toward critics than the regular gamer, like the much loved and abhorred Gone Home. For those who can appreciate ingenuity over longevity, Minit passes the quality assurance test.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score:  8.5
  • Time Played:  Over 5 hours
  • Number of Players:  1
  • Games Like It on Switch:  Kamiko, Blossom Tales:  The Sleeping Kings

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review, 0 comments
Solomon Plays Angels of Death – Episode 11 (Monster)

Solomon Plays Angels of Death – Episode 11 (Monster)

It’s a Monster Mash

The word, “monster,” is a strange one.  We could dive into the original meaning of the word, noting that “monster” was once used to describe a near-perfect being.  I could also just send you to the Oxford English Dictionary rather than cover it here.  For now, we’ll simply use the term as we know it today, a word that typically describes a frightening, evil creature.  Particularly, I’m perplexed by how it is used to describe a person.

We have marked a number of people as monsters:  Hitler, Stalin, Himmler, Bundy, Gacy Jr., rapists, pedophiles, and the corrupt.  What is the common theme among them?  They have harmed others on a morbid level, and they enjoyed doing so on some level.  In some cases, these human monsters seem to have no sense of empathy.  To avoid calling them monsters outright, we label them as antisocial, sociopathic, and psychopathic.  We also love to use these labels for our ex-lovers, estranged parents, and enemies.

Then we get something like Zack in Angels of Death.  He fulfills almost all of the characteristics above, yet we’re supposed to like him.  We learn a bit about his tragic back story, and this knowledge coupled with his change of heart give us some sort of pass to like him.  He’s a “monster,” something he even calls himself.  Hell, he’s nothing compared to the Joker of the Batman universe.  The villain is the epitome of chaotic evil and also the heartthrob of angsty teenagers.  Other fan-favorite monsters include Hannibal Lecter, Darth Vader, Elmo, and Loki.  How can these characters be so endearing when they’re as vile as some of our most inhumane humans?

Does the fictional element make them more palatable?  Because no one is really harmed, can we get our bloodthirsty kicks from our lovable monsters?  Does the audience even consider them “monsters” in the first place?  I may be getting ahead of myself; even “real-life villains” like Ted Bundy have had their own fan groups. 

This is why “monster” intrigues me.  It’s meant to brand bad people, but we have made bedfellows of these creatures under our beds.  I don’t tend to delve into these discussion topics in these journals, but this isn’t the first time I’ve pondered what makes a monster and what makes a loved one.  If I were to have no empathy, if I were to love hurting others, and if I were to cause harm, what kind of monster would I be? 

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Journal, 0 comments
Solomon Plays Angels of Death – Episode 10 (Backtrack)

Solomon Plays Angels of Death – Episode 10 (Backtrack)

Nearing the Finish Line

In today’s video, I will complain about Angels of Death. How it is boring. How it is overly long. How I hate narrating it. Today, in my recording session, I saw the game to its boring, overly long finish which I will probably hate narrating. After I cut that session apart, I will likely come away with three videos. After today’s video, we will have four more Angel of Death episodes. The end is coming, and I have hope.

I will include my overall opinion of the game in my final video. It’s basically the same one I have been spouting since the beginning of this series, but it’ll be in one nice package. Then, I’ll break my randomized review rule*, and write a review for Angels of Death. After waiting to write my GoNNER review long after I finished the game, I imagine my writing will be better with the game fresh in my mind.

That’s it, folks. More will come, but for now, I’m video-gamed out.

*After I finish a review, I use a random number generator to determine which game I will review next. I retrieve three different games, and then Player 2, Editor One, and I vote on which one I’ll do. If any of you are eager for me to review Sonic Mania or Jackbox Party Pack 1, the three of us aren’t, so we won’t likely see them anytime soon.

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Journal, 0 comments
Hollow Knight

Hollow Knight

An Ode to the Worst Amazing Game

If I ever make my “Top Ten Saltiest Moments of 2018,” you’ll be on that list, Hollow Knight. Your cult of fans praises you with the fervor of a pyramid scheme recruit, but your Kool-Aid makes me ill. Your combat seemed imprecise; your map appeared overwrought; and your difficulty drove me to drink. I wondered why no else criticized you until I saw what befell those who complained online. Your cult tore into them, screeching “git gud” while putting on a display that would make the Salem witch trials blush. I haven’t seen devotion like this outside of the Church of Scientology.

This review isn’t a tender break-up letter like I wrote to Mario + Rabbids. I don’t like you, Hollow Knight, but you have an undeniable appeal. You’re beautiful, unique, and stand among the best Metroidvanias in existence. You’re also a sadist. Those attracted to your unguided exploration, hidden lore, and stiff challenge will undoubtedly think you’re great. I think you’re garbage. However, channeling my objective mind, I’ll give you a good score. That said, I’ll be damned if I have to cast you in a positive light because seriously, fuck you, Hollow Knight.

What is it?

Your story follows the nameless Knight as it explores the bug kingdom of Hallownest. It wields a lance-like “nail” to dispatch enemies and holds the power to harness Soul. The Knight can only attack and heal at first, but like any solid Metroidvania, it gains new attacks and abilities that allow it to reach previously inaccessible areas. Combat is never more complex than whipping the nail about, but careful observation of enemy attack patterns is needed to avoid being slaughtered.

Your true depth comes from your Charm system. The Knight will collect Charms on its expeditions through Hallownest like a moody Pokémon trainer grabbing badges. Each of these doodads gives a perk of some sort, anything from boosting health to extending the nail’s range to enhancing Soul collection. A set number of “notches” limits how many Charms the Knight can have equipped at any one point, so unique builds will favor certain play styles or pair well against certain threats. The Knight can even ignore its notches and force an additional Charm on itself (the equivalent of putting two socks on one foot), but it will suffer double damage.

This freedom to choose how the Knight lives and dies is what makes you, Hollow Knight, so tantalizing. You give the players a set of skills but let them figure out how to fight. You provide basic mapping and allow gamers to chart their own paths. You offer minimal guidance, forcing us to keep track of our surroundings so we remember where the next objective is. So many quests, storylines, and locations aren’t even necessary to beat the main game, but doing so unlocks new abilities and endings. You do so much right, so why am I driven to say, “Fuck you, Hollow Knight?”

What’s bad?

  1. Your map is a grueling purgatory for backtracking. You have trams and a giant stag beetle for fast travel to specific locations, but the areas between stations is still vast. The Knight has stubby legs, and navigating past enemies and through the same environmental obstacles needlessly pads out your play time.
  2. The Shade is soul-crushingly annoying. This nuisance spawns wherever the Knight falls in battle, and it holds the Knight’s currency hostage until it is vanquished. Best case scenario, players dispatch it easily when they redo the section or boss that killed them previously. Worst case scenario, the players have to backtrack to where they died before they can go elsewhere, unless they don’t mind losing all their money.
  3. To further aggravate your backtracking torture, collectibles pockmark you like bed bugs infest a dirty mattress: they’re everywhere, but you have to look closely to find them. It can be fun to find optional upgrades and bits of lore, but most of them are unreachable until the Knight acquires a certain ability. As such, players must mark suspicious areas on their maps with generic pins, hope to remember what they had been looking for, and make the journey back once they’ve grabbed the necessary ability. Because of this issue and the above making me trek through your map five complete times, I’m now only full of spite, so Jesus Christ, fuck you, Hollow Knight.

What’s good?

  1. For that first and second time, your world is amazing. The art direction and soundtrack expertly concoct the eerie but lush atmosphere, and the design of each room poses a challenge without making the environment feel inorganic. For example, one locale, the Deepnest, is a dark, claustrophobic labyrinth of tunnels infested with spiders and centipedes. This place unsettled me thoroughly, and each other location spurred a similar visceral reaction.
  2. Your lore is equally inventive and evocative. You don’t force-feed the story to your players, so some people will glide to the ending with a bare-bones narrative. Those who do take the time to talk to villagers, observe their surroundings, and unearth optional side quests will be treated to a somber but deep story. Without giving away too many spoilers, the plot focuses on a king’s efforts to suppress the feral nature inherent in each bug in his kingdom and how his failure led to the ruin of his society. The game’s final boss offers a startlingly poignant battle if players understand exactly what they’re up against.
  3. Your boss battles are also a highlight. Although common enemies eventually become nuisances, the bosses amp up the theatrics and challenge, thus creating memorable experiences. Each has a predictable pattern of attacks, but this doesn’t mean these adversaries are easy to dodge or counter. Because of this, you treat players to a difficult but ultimately fair fight. That said, lest we forget, my message doesn’t change: fuck you, Hollow Knight.

What’s the verdict?

Subjectively, I struggled to enjoy you, Hollow Knight, and although I don’t regret our time together, I certainly didn’t need this fling. However, in writing a review, I must set aside my personal opinions and speak objectively. A great many people will enjoy you, and a good portion of those people will rank you among their favorite games. The backtracking and other issues are unlikely to faze those who yearn for a hard-hitting Metroidvania without training wheels. Those who don’t find the Metroid or Castlevania format endearing will encounter a wholly frustrating experience. You’re not for everyone, Hollow Knight. A crowning achievement to most; to a few, a cancerous blight. To me, you’re the latter, so fuck you, Hollow Knight.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 9
  • Time Played: Over 20 hours
  • Number of Players: 1
  • Games Like It on Switch: Hyper Light Drifter, Axiom Verge

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review, 0 comments
Solomon Plays Angels of Death – Episode 9 (The Color Purple)

Solomon Plays Angels of Death – Episode 9 (The Color Purple)

Recovering from Black Friday

In some article on this website, I imagine I have talked about my neurotic rules.  Unlike a healthy sense of self-discipline, my neurotic rules place arbitrary restrictions on myself.  For instance, I have to listen to each song of my iPod at least ten times before it goes off of my “New” playlist.  I try to end conversations at five-minute intervals (i.e. 9:15 or 9:20).  I make an off-the-wall or self-referential joke after providing two serious examples.  These rules exist to give me structure much like my brittle bones support fleshy meat flabs.

To ensure I don’t develop a huge backlog of video games, I limit myself to five “new” games.  These games must be beaten before I take them off the roster.  If I reach my max of five, I’m locked from buying new games.  This system can be agonizing, especially if I’m stuck with difficult or crappy titles.  I’ve had Angels of Death since this summer, and both Dead Cells and Crypt of the Necrodancer have been destroying me for a long time.  Two weeks ago, I surrendered to the fact that I’d be stuck with these games for a few more months.

That was until the week of Thanksgiving rolled around.  With the eShop’s Black Friday sale, I grabbed four new games.  Editor One has been seizing in the corner ever since Warframe was announced for Switch, so I had to download it for his safety.  Smash is coming out next week, and Katamari Damacy after that.  No level of neuroticism can prevent me from suckling at the greatness of those two games.  Player 2 also became evil and got a Playstation 4 with VR.  Despite my pure Nintendo roots, I’ve fallen prey to the likes of Beat Saber and the Tetris Effect.

Under this megaton of new games, I’m hard pressed to find time for Angels of Death and the punishing roguelites.  Part of me worries I will stop following my neurotic rule just like I did with the Wii U.  On that system, my purchasing tendencies were so ludicrous that I hadn’t even touched some AAA titles which I had grabbed at full price.  That said, I have confidence in myself to return from 12 new titles to 5.  With my experience and a strong catheter, I only need a week.

Where was I going with this?  Who the hell knows.  I’m still trying to make sense of how life doesn’t feel as realistic as VR.  My hands look so strange…

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Journal, 0 comments