Review

10
Dec
2017
Solomon Rambles About Celibacy

Solomon Rambles About Celibacy

Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime

Well Past the Honeymoon Days

 Conformity feels good.  You get to be part of a group, and you know you’re among folks who share your thoughts.  In the review world, sharing the popular opinion provides you a safety bubble.  No one will question why I gave Breath of the Wild a 10 because countless others have already done so.  If I gave it a 7, however, I face the potential wrath of fans who will question my judgment, label me an attention whore, or DDoS attack my website (all of which happened to the Jimquisition).  Fortunately, most of my opinions have aligned with popular consensus, so I haven’t experienced angry readers attempting to claw my eyes out.  I also don’t have readers in general, so there’s that, too.

LIADS 3

Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime (LIADS) is my first foray out of conformity.  Prior to the game being released on the Switch, I had heard people continually heap praise on it, proclaiming it to be one of the best co-op games along with Overcooked.  Almost every single professional reviewer has given it least an 8.  Accolades have followed this game, no matter where it appears.  And for the life of me, I can’t find it anything but pretty okay.

What is it?

LIADS is the peppy cheerleader sister of the Wii U’s Affordable Space Adventures.  Normally, a reference like this would be a helpful description, but because most people thought the Wii U was an onomatopoeia instead of a video game console, I should probably provide a better explanation.  If you have a Wii U, go buy Affordable Space Adventures instead of LAIDS.  If you don’t have a Wii U, LIDAS is tower defense game disguised as a space shooter. Your basic goal in most stages is to rescue at least five furries by navigating through the map, shooting down anything sentient, and surviving with your ship intact.

The catch is you can’t shoot, pilot, and shield all by yourself at the same time.  You control a tiny character who must run around the ship to reach the controls of the ship’s various functions. Your spacecraft, “the Gumball,” has four turrets, one positioned at each of the cardinal directions.  The ship’s thrusters are controlled with a console in the middle of a ship.  Off to the sides are additional terminals which allow you access to a shield, your map, and a special weapon. You and up to three other players must prioritize when to use each of the ship’s functions to ultimately survive the levels.

LIADS 4

As you progress through each of L-AIDS’ four chapters (each composed of five levels), you will acquire various upgrades to augment your guns, special weapon, shield, and thrusters.  Bosses and warp levels (which play like more traditional tower defense games) add further variety to your adventure.  As you save critters, your ship will level up, allowing you access to new ships with gimmicks that impact how you play the game.  For instance, the “Jelly Roll” rotates with your thrusters, at times turning the entire ship upside-down.  In addition to altering the game’s difficulty, this ship effectively recreates the nausea you may experience in zero gravity.

 What’s good?

  1. Playing with three or four people altogether creates a frenetic, humorous experience. With this many people, each player is able to take more concrete roles, so less time is spent on scrambling between control terminals and more is spent on navigating the levels and blasting away enemies.  The game does feel remarkably easier, but the overall experience is less overwhelming and better paced.
  2. Boss battles are a hoot. There are only four total, but each challenges you to use all of the ship’s functions in order to succeed.  The difficulty feels fair as well, and if you do die, you only lose a few minutes of progress compared to the ten to fifteen minutes of progress you may forfeit when you die in a typical stage.
  3. Presentation is solid. From the poppy, vibrant visuals to the catchy soundtrack, LADIES shows the love and care put in by its developers.

LIADS 5

What’s bad?

  1. SDAIL offers an unfair level of difficulty. For those going solo or as a duo, the task of manning an entire ship becomes daunting.  This basic concept is absolutely fine; in fact, it’s one of the main draws of the game, but other issues in the game make this core element become annoying rather than invigorating.  Manning the ship’s various controls is not as precise as one would hope, with your character sometimes grabbing hold of the console and other times defying your commands.  Enemies have a tendency to suddenly cluster around your ship and promptly obliterate you.  The game has a love for sections in which your ship is rotated around, jumbling your controls and nauseating even the steel-stomached.  With no checkpoints in levels, you can potentially toil for over ten minutes saving all of your compatriots before you’re destroyed and sent to redo the entire level.  All these factors make you want to play cautiously, which leads to…
  2. Gameplay often puttering to a plodding pace, puh puh puh please and thank you. Enemies do not stop respawning, and if you do not take the time to eliminate each one before moving on, you run the risk of all of them following you and later overwhelming you. With three or four players, this issue is not as persistent, but for those with only two players onboard, progression feels as stop-and-go as rush hour traffic. After several levels of this…
  3. It all becomes so bland. Most levels are procedurally-generated, and while one would hope this allow repeated play-throughs to feel unique, it instead causes levels to feel unoriginal and samey.  On top of this, 14 out of 20 of the levels focus on saving five anthropomorphic creatures, and this boils down to the following:  move until you find a person, prepare for an ambush/bomb in an enclosed or open space, survive, and find another person to repeat the cycle.

LIADS 1

A note on being alone:

You do not need another person to play LADDIES.  If going solo, you are paired with a computer-controlled pet (in the cat, dog, raccoon, and pork varieties) who can be instructed to move about the ship and man specific consoles.  Other reviewers have noted that the computer operates pretty well, and I echo that it is about as competent as a human (in that it makes mistakes and great plays about as much as a friend would).  Just remember loving by yourself is simply masturbation.

What’s the verdict?

Admittedly, I approached Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime with very high expectations.  I wanted it to be fantastic, and I walked away from it disappointed and frustrated.  To its credit, it provides a quirky multiplayer experience which can be fun, especially if you go in knowing your spacefaring adventures will be a bit bumpy.  Even with all of my grumbling, I do not regret purchasing this game because it fills a niche:  if I have two friends over, we can all play LIADS without any of us feeling like a third-wheel.  If you have this same niche to itch, then by all means, go forth and prosper with your fellow lovers.

Arbitrary Statistics:

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review
03
Dec
2017
Solomon Rambles About Maidens

Solomon Rambles About Maidens

Kamiko

A Bite-Sized Adventure

 The younger, poorer me treasured the Wii Shop Channel.  To that pimpled child without a disposable income, the channel offered a venue to spend my meager funds.  Every month, I scrounged enough change for a $20 prepaid card and reveled at my purchasing options.  N64 games went for $10 and WiiWare games hovered around the same price, so with a single prepaid card, I could get two whole games.  Even better, if I stuck with NES and other $5 games, I could get away with a whopping four games.

Kamiko 3

In retrospect, my younger self should’ve realized that four $5 games rarely met the content offered by two $10 games or a $20 budget retail title, but I was naive, desperate, and bored.  Now that I’m old, naive, desperate, and bored, the same situation presents itself with the Switch eShop.  In the eShop’s current state, $5 and cheaper games are less prevalent as they were for the Wii and Wii U, so when they do pop up, they draw attention.  When Kamiko landed on the eShop, a few generally positive reviews were enough to push me to buy it.  After all, I have a disposable income now and an unflagging ability to ignore how little purchases add up, so $5 was a pittance to me.  To the surprise of no one (because there was no one to be surprised in the first place), I encountered about as much content in Kamiko as $5 will get you.

What is it?

The world is in danger of being overrun by demons, and the responsibility of saving everyone and taking on the mantle of “Kamiko” falls on you, a shrine maiden of three different colors (Yamato, Uzume, and Hinome).  Yamato uses a sword; Uzume has her bow and arrows; and Hinome flings a shield at things because she has a Captain America fetish.  Your maiden of choice is thrown into four levels, each ending with a boss.  Beat them all, and you save the world.  Good job.

Your maidens do not waste time with complex combos or move sets.  You hold B to dash; you press A to attack; and holding Y will charge up a special attack which uses your SP.  SP also cleanses shrines (four per level) and opens chests, both of which are key to progression.  Levels, themselves, are pretty straightforward and generally involve fighting clusters of enemies (who yield SP), finding and transporting keys/orbs to open new sections, and defeating a three-hit boss after you’ve cleansed all the shrines.  Do that for every level, and you’ll save the world.  Good job.

Kamiko 5

That’s about it. Each level has hidden upgrades for your health and SP.  There are also special trinkets (one per stage) which can be found by pressing A on arbitrary pieces of scenery or by using a guide because someone else wasted their time for you.  Play the game with each character and save the world multiple times.  Good jobs.

What’s good?

  1. The graphics and art direction are remarkable. Despite adopting the pixel graphics currently plaguing the indie scene, Kamiko creates lush, Shinto-themed environments speckled with moss-covered buses, bubbling lava, or gorgeous lighting.
  2. Each character provides a different experience. They don’t change the gameplay drastically, but they do impact how you spam the Y button at clusters of enemies.
  3. The bosses offer a much-needed change of pace. Although they can only withstand three hits and obsessively stick to a set attack pattern, they require more than button-mashing to be felled.

Kamiko 4

What’s bad?

  1. It’s short. My first run (with Yamato) took me about 48 minutes.  My third and last run (with Hinome) was cut to 28 minutes.  I recognize this game is designed for speedrunning, but for those of us who suck at sprints, Kamiko doesn’t have much mileage.  For speedrunners, it’s disappointing that there are no in-game online leaderboards.  Consequently, you’ll have to work harder to find out that you’ll never be as good as this guy.
  2. Saving the world grows repetitive. Combat is basic; enemies rarely pose a threat; and even bosses become tiring as you wait for them to expose their weak points.  Again, speedrunners may enjoy the streamlined gameplay, but for me, I couldn’t muster enough interest to carry me through a fourth play-through for this review.
  3. Kamiko over-relies on fetch sections. Periodically throughout each level, you will be tasked with carrying a key or orb to Point B.  While carrying an item, you can’t dash or attack, and colliding with an enemy drops your item.  If this happens, you must backtrack to where you first grabbed the item to try again.  This mechanic is not awful, itself, but when these sections pop up twice or thrice per level, you’ll curse your shrine maiden’s stubby little butterfingers.

Kamiko 2

What’s the verdict?

Kamiko is a fine game, especially if you’re strapped for cash or feeling the speedrunning urge. Many reviewers point out that $5 is cheap enough to make Kamiko and its ilk easy purchases, but this line of thought usually leads to the Steam Sale mentality of buying games you’ll never play. Sure, $5 may be better spent on Kamiko than Taco Bell or a shot of vodka (or maybe not, based on the time of day), but for those of you who have some extra bucks and aren’t interested in needlessly inflating your Switch’s gaming library, the world of $10 games offers a variety of deeper, lengthier experiences.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 6
  • Time Played: 3 hours
  • Number of Players: 1
  • Games Like It on Switch: Oceanhorn:  Monster of the Uncharted Seas, Yono and the Celestial Elephants

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review
26
Nov
2017
Solomon Rambles About Dying Cubes

Solomon Rambles About Dying Cubes

Death Squared

Death Shared

I am fortunate to have a dedicated Player 2 in my life.  Money can buy you a video game system, controllers, and games.  It can also buy you a Player 2, but that’s expensive and frowned upon.  For those of you who don’t have a gaming partner and aren’t interested in the underground gaming slave market, your gaming life is somewhat stunted.  Some games (like the Jackbox Party Packs) are almost entirely worthless to you.  Other games (like Overcooked! and Snipperclips) are co-op experiences but have options play alone.  You can enjoy them by yourself in the same way you can enjoy a dinner for two by yourself:  full of shame and feeling like this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

DS 4Death Squared targets co-op gamers but is perfectly functional as a single-player affair.  Because most puzzles involve taking turns to move, controlling both characters yourself doesn’t feel overwhelming or unintuitive.  Although levels are inventive and can challenge you to think abstractly to find solutions, few puzzles are so difficult that you need a second player to offer ideas.  Essentially, a single player can enjoy Death Squared’s gameplay, but the game’s humor and unpredictable deaths are best enjoyed with others.

What is it?

Death Squared’s Story Mode focuses on the trials of two robotic cubes.  They are subjected to test after test (80 in all) in which they find themselves on suspended platforms hanging above bottomless abysses.  These stages are usually small enough to fit onscreen without the camera moving, but they are littered with traps to obliterate the blocky heroes.  A test is passed once each box simultaneously places itself on a panel of its color.

Opposite colors will often be your robots’ downfall.  While a red laser won’t hurt the red cube, it most certainly will explode the blue one.  A wall of red, transparent cubes can be impassable to blue but pose no obstacle to red.  Conversely, a red pathway is a safe bridge for blue but no different from dead space to red.  Most stages are dynamic, with each pressed button and each pushed block altering the structure of the level.  Sometimes these changes open a new path for you; other times, they trigger spikes to impale a character or catapult another bot off the level entirely.  Death is natural and expected as trial-and-error plays a part in finding the solution to a level.

DS 2

As you progress through levels, David (a lowly AI tester) and Iris (his A.I. partner/supervisor) provide commentary, criticizing or commending your progress or delving into humorous stories about computer updates/David’s mother.  At times, David will even mess with the testing’s programming, thus altering how you play or what you may encounter.  Unfortunately, these two are not present in Death Squared’s 40 four-player stages (Party Mode) or 30 extra hard Vault levels.  These “bonus” levels follow the same format as the main game, but their testers presumably are mute compared to Iris and David.

What’s good?

  1. The humor is superb. David and Iris (both played by the fantastic Rice Pirate) offer some lovely banter.  David is—in a word—a douchebag but a lovable, pathetic one whereas Iris is your sarcastic, GLaDOS knock-off who provides a good foil to David.  Their commentary primarily accompanies your progress through levels, but you will get the occasional, repeated quips based on your deaths, movements, and successes. Your deaths add to the humor as well because your demises are frequently unexpected, creative, or caused by a dickhead friend.
  2. The puzzles offer a balanced level of difficulty.  Apart from a handful of levels, you will typically figure out a solution after a few minutes of dying or staring at the level.  The Vault levels pose the greatest challenge, but if a dunce like me can solve them, so can you. You will die plenty of times, and the game will flaunt your failings by keeping track of them with a counter, but it’s okay to die.  It’s part of life and helps you solve problems.

Note: Solomon does not endorse dying in real life to solve problems.

DS 3

  1. Death Squared offers a lot of content without overstaying its welcome, which is quite amazing given the simplicity of the game. The control stick is all you need to move your characters and solve all levels, and there are few gimmicks introduced throughout the course of the game.  Still, the developers managed to make most stages feel unique even given these few tools.

What’s bad?

  1. Without David and Iris, the Party and Vault levels are a little less enjoyable. Their commentary serves as an incentive for completing levels, so the “one more level” mentality found in the main mode isn’t quite as strong for Vault or Party.  As I have stated, the levels, themselves, can still be rewarding, but the voice-acting is what propels this game from good to great, and without it, you’re playing “good,” not “great.”
  2. Party Mode does not quite live up to the two-player levels. For a solo player, Party Mode is a little overwhelming as you switch between all four robots.  With a team of four players, gaming can be raucous fun, but gameplay does feel slowed down.  With four players, stages are routinely filled with more obstacles and player interactions, necessitating a more methodical pace to ensure everyone lives and hits each step of the puzzle correctly.  Some play groups may enjoy scratching each other’s heads to figure out the solution, but for others, the process may be too laborious to justify the payoff.
  3. There is only one stage theme. The graphics are simple and clean, but no matter what level you’re on, you’ll have the same dark blue backdrop with the same gray blocks suspended over the same black nothingness.  At times, depth is a little hard to gauge as well.

DS 1

What’s the verdict?

For those looking for a competent puzzle game, Death Squared provides, be it for one player or four.  The game introduces a simple set of rules and creates devious problems based on these basic rules, a characteristic most good puzzle games have.  However, Death Squared’s humor boosts the overall game’s quality, separating it from all the other good but forgettable puzzle affairs.  Solitary gamers can certainly enjoy the experience, but the hilarity is truly something you should share with someone else.  Find another human being, get to know them, love them even, and then revel when you vindictively kill them for messing up in-game.  This is the joy only found in comradery.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 8
  • Time Played: Over 5 hours
  • Number of Players: 1-4
  • Games Like It on Switch: Snipperclips, The Bridge

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review
19
Nov
2017
Solomon Rambles About Calamari

Solomon Rambles About Calamari

Splatoon 2

A Game for Squidbags

Although not heavily publicized, it is common knowledge that Nintendo is run by an advanced species of aliens. These peaceful aliens happen to be fascinated by the concept of human pleasure. For over a century, they have studied how to best invoke joy in humanity, starting out with hanafuda cards, briefly dabbling in love hotels, then testing different ventures, before finally settling on video games. Because of their heightened intelligence, they have produced numerous remarkable innovations complemented by stellar games. Alas, despite their years of research and genius, these Nintendaliens often fail to remember basic human concepts.

Nintendo’s gaming history is riddled with their mistakes. The N64’s controller was innovative for emphasizing analogue control and for offering a rumble feature, but the Nintendaliens failed to remember that humans have two hands, not three, rendering the three-prong controller awkward at times. The Virtual Boy was ahead of its time for adventuring into 3-D territory, but unfortunately, Nintendo overlooked the fact that the red/black graphics – while pleasing to their compound eyes – induced bleeding in human eyes. Nintendo’s struggles with online features serve as another example: because WiFi causes instantaneous seizures for Nintendaliens, their ability to roll out anything remotely resembling a competent online plan has been hampered by continuous job site casualties.

Splatoon 5

Splatoon 2 stands as a quintessential example of both Nintendo’s genius and absurdly alien absent-mindedness. Like any of Nintendo’s long-running franchises, Splatoon 2 presents genre-defining entertainment wrapped in character and charm. It seduces gamers of all types and serves as a strong reason to purchase a Switch. It also features some of the most maddeningly-stupid mechanics in modern video games, some so detrimental, you cannot fathom a clear-headed human could create them.

What is it?

Splatoon 2 is a third-person shooter the same way a platypus is a mammal. Both theoretically fit their respective classifications, but no one looks at Splatoon and says, “Hey, it’s like Gears of War,” just like no one looks at those venomous, duck-billed, egg-laying, milk-sweating creatures and thinks, “That is just like my cat.”  Or maybe you do.  I don’t understand cats.

In Splatoon, you are an “inkling,” a species of hipster kids who can change into squids at will. You battle against other inklings in teams of four, using weapons which spew forth brightly-colored ink to paint the battlefield and drown your opponents. Weapons range from your standard guns, snipers, and shotguns to your wackier household appliances like buckets, paint rollers, and ink brushes.  Each weapon has its own sub-weapon (typically variations of grenades) and a special, which can be air strikes, massive lasers, temporary armor, or other strange devices.

In a single battle, you will transition quickly between your kid and squid forms.  In kid form, you can unleash your weapons to ink the field and wipe out opponents.  However, your squid form can swim in your ink much faster than your biped counterpart and jump higher.  Your squid can also hide in said ink where it will replenish your ink reserves.

Splatoon 2

Online multiplayer is at the heart of Splatoon 2 and offers five modes. Turf War (the game’s “casual mode,” offered 24/7) challenges two teams of four to mark a greater percentage of the stage with their colored inks in three minutes. Once you win games and reach rank five, you will have access to Salmon Run (available in 12-hour blocks every other day or so) which is a horde mode of sorts in which you and three others fight off various mutated salmanoid creatures and steal their eggs for profit. After hitting rank 10, you are exposed to the true competitive modes: Rainmaker, Tower Control, and Splat Zones. These modes rotate every two hours and are Splatoon’s take on Capture the Flag, King of the Hill, and Domination, respectively.

Outside of online multiplayer, a single-player campaign can occupy you for a handful of hours as you battle the Octarian Empire (composed of octopi creatures because the Splatoon world is rife with racism) across 32 stages. Most levels will find you running and gunning while navigating minor platforming areas. Regarding local single-console multiplayer, there isn’t one. Nintendo has scrapped the largely pointless local multilayer mode found in the original Splatoon, and in its place, you can host local matches with your friends who also have $360 to buy a Switch and Splatoon 2.

What’s good?

  1. Nintendo has created a genuinely fun and unique experience. Morphing from squid to kid is seamless and makes your firefights fluid and dynamic. Weapons, gear, and game modes can change gameplay drastically, encouraging you to experiment with new load outs. For those worried about Splatoon being a kiddie version of typical shooters, Splatoon’s cutesy design belies its depth; considerable strategy and skill are needed to win reliably. The gameplay, itself, is absurdly enjoyable no matter the game mode, from Splat Zones to Salmon Run to Turf War to not Rainmaker.
  2. Splatoon’s environment and tone are infectiously gleeful and engaging. Inkopolis serves as the world’s hub where inklings gather to show off their outfits and personalized messages (a remnant of the Wii U’s Miiverse). You buy gear and weapons from quirky shops and their equally strange owners, each attempting their best Portlander impression. Additionally, every month, Nintendo launches a Splatfest with the entire Inkopolis plaza overhauled with decorations and arranged as a concert venue. It’s all so immersive that you, too, will be questioning if you’re a squid or a kid.
  3. For fans of Splatoon 1, there are enough changes to justify a purchase. For you, Splatoon 2 will feel more like a massive expansion pack than a sequel, which may be all you need if you enjoyed the original. Salmon Run is just as strong as the original four multilayer modes, and Tower Control has been improved through the introduction of checkpoints. These checkpoints stop rounds from being unfairly dominated by one team with a strong start, a problem still present in Rainmaker.

Splatoon 1

What’s bad?

  1. The single player campaign feels less inspired and dynamic than the original’s offering. Many assets are reused (from music to enemies to gimmicks); levels seem to drag on longer than necessary; and locating the levels in the campaign’s hub is a chore. The overall experience is still enjoyable but can be skipped over entirely.
  2. Playing with friends is a nightmare. Want to play Turf War? You’d better be okay with playing on opposite teams often because pairings are always random. Want to play Ranked Mode? Screw you; you can go host private battles and hope seven friends magically appear. How about League? If you have one or three friends, you’re good to go (provided that your friends are rank 10 and a B- in one Ranked Mode), but if your team only has three people altogether, well, you can play Turf War or Salmon Run instead (if it’s available). That’s what you really wanted to do, right?
  3. A bunch of other little issues add up to a major headache. Why can’t I change my weapon load-out while in a Regular or Ranked lobby?  Why is the voice chat so crappy?  Why isn’t Salmon Run offered 24/7?  Why are only two stages available to play at a time?  Why does the matchmaking process seem so poor?  Why can’t I choose to only play against people in my region?  Why do I have to play seven games every rotation in League Mode just to see my player score?  Why can’t I play against bots in private battles (this one is a bit of a stretch)?  If I’m kicked out of a game, why can’t I rejoin that game if there is still time left in the round?  Why is that guy squid-bagging me so much?  I hate him.  Why are certain Salmon Run bosses just utter garbage, like the Flyfish?  Why isn’t the intro sequence skippable?  Why aren’t there any mini games in the lobby anymore?  No matter the play session, these issues will pop up and cause at least a minor annoyance (if not much more).

Splatoon 3

What’s the verdict?

Nintendo and its aliens know what fun is and how to present it. However, they don’t always seem to realize what is logical, and Splatoon 2 shows Nintendo’s strange understanding of the world. The unique core experience and the genuinely joyous presentation deserve heaps of praise and adoration, but it’s difficult to enjoy the ride when numerous small issues make for a rocky road. These rough spots are all the more frustrating because they seem so easily fixable, and if they were fixed, Splatoon 2 would be a near perfect game. For most Switch gamers, Splatoon is still a must-have. Just keep your fingers crossed and hope Nintendo miraculously realizes their mistakes and addresses them in the game’s routine updates.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 8
  • Time Played: 115 hours
  • Number of Players: 1
  • Games Like It on Switch: Doom, Arms

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review
04
Nov
2017
Solomon Rambles About Droppings

Solomon Rambles About Droppings

Magical Drop II

More of a Drip

How many hours does it take to get to the meat of the game?  In my Rocket Fist review, I highlighted how I track my play hours to gauge if the amount of content justified the price.  I also keep my hours for another purpose:  to show if I truly attempted to play the game.  My reasons for doing this confront an issue I see in the reviewing world.  Based on the content of some reviews, it’s apparent the reviewers devote as few hours as they can to the game—for whatever reason—before spewing forth an opinion.  This results in shoddy writing, be it because the writers fail to unlock all the relevant content, miss key elements of a story, or fail to develop the skill necessary to truly enjoy the gameplay.

So how many hours do you need to develop a valid opinion?  For a game like Breath of the Wild, 100 hours isn’t necessary, but I’m hesitant to listen to anyone who has invested less than 25 on it.  Comparatively, 25 hours on something like Mario Kart 8 Deluxe or Splatoon 2 may be more than enough, even if you could spend considerably more time on both of them.  Looking at the reviews I have completed thus far, I admit that I kind of cringe seeing how I’ve played the majority of these games less than ten hours.  Part of me wishes I could be more thorough, but the other part reminds me I’d die of boredom before reaching the 10-hour mark of Wonder Boy:  the Dragon’s Trap.

MD 3

This brings us to Magical Drop II, which has a whopping two hours of playtime.  Bought on a whim during those first dry months of the Switch’s lifespan, Magical Drop lasted me a few days before I dropped it from memory.  For a puzzler heralded as one of the Neo Geo’s crowning gems, it probably deserves more attention, but it’s hard for me to imagine even doubling my playtime over the course of the Switch’s lifespan.  Thus, at the risk of being barraged by hate mail from all of the Magical Drop fans who happen to read my articles, I present a review which has taken longer to create and post than to play.

What is it?

As is abundantly evident in the title, Magical Drop involves matching columns of at least three of the same-colored balloons.  You choose a personified Tarot character as your board’s backdrop and then ignore that figure to take control of a jester at the bottom of the screen.  On top of the screen are the randomized columns of balloons, which steadily descend (or drop, if you will) until they crush your body into a pulpy mess. To sidestep death, your jester can pull the bottom-most balloons to him, grabbing as many as he chooses as long as they are of the same color. Once you have gathered your fill, you can rocket your collected balloons back up in a single column. If you have three-of-a-kind, the match disappears, along with any adjoining balloons of the same color.

Once you make a match, you have a small window of time in which to chain a combo. If your match triggers other balloons to fall into another three-of-a-kind, you got yourself a combo.  As matches flash and balloons rearrange, you have time to grab and fling more balloons to further inflate your combo.  The bigger the combo, the more rows you add to your opponent’s board. Whoever’s jester doesn’t get smashed wins the game and gets sold into slavery or something. Occasionally, you will get special balloons which clear an entire color if matched together, which is magical presumably.

MD 2

Player vs. computer and player vs. player are the main attractions, but a score attack mode and a puzzle mode (only included in the Japanese rendition) provide some extra variety with unique power-ups and obstacles. This being an ACA release, you have access to unlimited tokens, a suspend feature, various options to tweak, and a Caravan Mode for posting high-scores online. True to its arcade roots, a game of Magical Drop will last only a few minutes before you encounter a game over screen. Considerable practice (or the humility to decrease the game’s difficulty) is needed to survive past the game’s opening stages.

What’s good?

  1. Magical Drop, itself, is a fun twist on most puzzle games. Although some strategy is involved in creating combos, your speed (muscle memory, reflexes, and ability to identify matches) is what will win you the game. With many versus rounds over in under a minute, intensity runs as high as a preteen at her first music concert.
  2. Each mode is novel enough to be entertaining. Versus will suck up most of your playtime, but both the score attack and puzzle modes can lull you into the same pleasing zen-like haze you may encounter with endless Tetris or LSD.
  3. The game oozes sex appeal. You like three-eyed chicks wrapped in sheets? Got you covered. Prefer women with big jugs?  Let’s just say one character’s jugs can carry a lot of water.  Are you more of a person who likes snot-nosed youth? You’re disgusting, but at least you’re not left out, you perverted sack of crap.

What’s bad?

  1. The experience is shallow. Unless you glom onto the game’s basic gimmick, you won’t have much to keep you playing after the half-hour mark. As an arcade game, Magical Drop was never meant to last more than a few minutes, and this limitation shows itself pretty quickly.
  2. The game is unforgiving to newbies. Computer opponents can be nasty, but the real issue lies in player vs. player matches. Unless you have a buddy who is as into Magical Drop as you, you will probably steamroll over anybody you introduce to the game. With matches over so quickly, your opponents don’t have a chance to practice and improve. Muscle memory and reflexes don’t really develop over the course of a few rounds, and by the time they do, most of your friends will be ready to move onto other games.
  3. The balloons are not balloons. Magical Drop may pretend they are, but they’re really marbles. They clack together; they don’t float around; and they’re completely spherical. Although a minor complaint, it makes the game literally unplayable.

MD 4

What’s the verdict?

Magical Drop II‘s core concept is just as entertaining as other puzzlers, but there isn’t enough of it to be engaging in the long-term.  Because there isn’t much to the game, there isn’t much to dislike about it either.  In an arcade, I would certainly drop (in a magical way, no less) a few quarters into Magical Drop, but I’m not convinced eight bucks justifies bringing the virtual cabinet home with you. There are so many other, brighter balloons out there to crush your life force.

Arbitrary Statistics:

  • Score: 6
  • Time Played: 2 hours
  • Number of Players: 1-2
  • Games Like It on Switch: Puyo Puyo Tetris, Tumblestone

Scoring Policy

Posted by Solomon Rambling in Review